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View Full Version : Walkers, the cheek.....



Fat Fecker
09-24-2008, 10:47 AM
I was sitting in the dentist, and I picked up an Irish hillwalking mag... and there was an article on noise pollution.
The writer.... a hillwalker, was having a rant about noise disturbing him when he was walking, and his problem was with locals using lawnmowers, and their kids in their gardens riding noisy quads..... He wanted peace and tranquility.....
Feckin cheek..... bad enough that they think they own the mountains, now they want me to use a push mower, and gag my children.
He also complained about helicopters, yet he'd be the first to call one if he twists an ankle. Who else does the coastguard have to rescue up here? Sheep?
I thought it was a joke, but no......

Don
09-24-2008, 10:55 AM
Gagged children pushing lawnmowers, does kind of solve two problems doesn't it?

Byrner
09-24-2008, 10:56 AM
shhshh!!!!

tommyv
09-24-2008, 11:07 AM
This one was from a horse magaine, lent to me by a friend who rides both four legs and 2 wheels. They compared horses, human footprints and bike tracks to see which were the most damaging on forest trails. Obviously, horses do nothing, as their hoof prints are spread out, and are, apparently, smaller than human footprints. Hillwalkers all have big feet, and their walking sticks loosen up the ground (more so than a 1 ton HORSE!?). The worst, obviously, are mountain bikers, who litter, make lots of noise, pay no regard to the trails, widening them as they see fit, and their long, snake like trails left behind dig 3 inches deep into the trail, aiding erosion of the trail my super-uber-massive-amounts compared to everyone else, with 1 cyclist being equivilant to 5 walkers, or, wait for it, SIX HORSES.:confused:

And they say WE give THEM a bad time?

honourablegeorge
09-24-2008, 11:11 AM
Horses **** everywhere too. I hardly ever **** on the trail when I'm out cycling.

Byrner
09-24-2008, 11:17 AM
you can concoct any kind of nonsense once you have good vocabularly and throw in a few facts.
last year in Wicklow alone, 30,000 metric tonnes of litter was collected by Wicklow CC in Glendalough alone.
Most of it was tin foil and Cola bottles
The average walker weighs 81.4 KGs and might walk the equivelant of 1500 miles per year.
Thats equal to 14,000 kilojoules of kinetic energy, which when converted into actual physical energy would result in a trail from here to China, 8 inches deep and 5 feet wide.
Walkers boots have a thread made in the original Vibram style, which when paired up and used at a pace of 3 mph, can do serious damage to Blanket Bog as the rubber used is hard.
Mountainbikes however, tend to stay on hard ground,in singel file actively seeking harder stony ground, whereas walkers, complete wth Sealskin socks, Goretex boots and Knee length gaiters wil walk spread out and through whatever the terrain offers, actively testing the ruggedness of their equipment.
Mountainbikers average 70 kgs in weight, the rubber is softer , there a tiny minority compared to Walkers, Don't like getting mucky and wet and usually cycle to their offroad destinations, whereas walkers will arrive as Solo drivers and have dogs which either chase sheep or defecaete everywhere.
Whats fact and whats fiction

Byrner
09-24-2008, 11:20 AM
Time for that naked descent off Scarr !!!

GerryB
09-24-2008, 11:26 AM
It must be boys like me then Richie they are talking about.I am tad heavier than 70 kg in fact only 91kg and falling.Its true what they say the bigger you are the more indentations you make.They (the walkers)want the mountains for themselves but if each code respects the other then we should get along just fine.

Byrner
09-24-2008, 11:40 AM
no i think we should find their nests and destroy the buggers

GerryB
09-24-2008, 11:51 AM
Its Halloween soon we could do a few sacrificial burnings to warn them off if you like.Or plant there heads on a stake like William Wallace.Only joking of course wink wink nod nod..

Don
09-24-2008, 12:09 PM
If hillwalkers really cared about the hills, they would prostrate themselves in a line over their precious bog and allow us to ride over them. I am sure we would all feel better afterwards.

Byrner
09-24-2008, 12:22 PM
thats whole stupid thing. I can appreciate the Rangers and the Veggielesbians getting upset about the Environment. They see everybody as a threat to their baby..and rightly so But hardcore pole waving Gaiter Clad " Walkers " see the Hills as their own playground. They are nazis..
they think they are the only ones with the rights to use t. in more than 20 years of MTBIng, I have never collided with a walker, i have had a few close ones where they deliberately walk in front of me ..
I've been enjoying the Mountains a lot longer than that..and the sheer volume of walkers that you see is staggering sometimes. Remember the 2 busloads at The Blast..
And then you see them up Mullacor in Winter, spread across the Bog, on the way up Camaderry from Turlough hill, there are so many routes through the Bog its a maze..
Who made that ?
Not me or the 2 or 3 others who use it.
And theres a freaking tarmac road up to it !!
Some walkers are very sound..its the rogue one, like Alfies mate off the back of 3 rock..
do you remember him..priceless..

Don
09-24-2008, 12:26 PM
on the way up Camaderry from Turlough hill, there are so many routes through the Bog its a maze..

Every time I go through there (when hillwalking) I get the heebies, imagine that place at night, alone, with no lights, scabbling around in circles in the dark, with nothing visible but the glowing eyes of rabid sheep watching your demise.

JoeyO
09-24-2008, 12:47 PM
My Wife is both a "Walker" and a rabid sheep.......We have had several discussions about the needless erosion caused by armies of Sunday Hillwalkers. While chatting about the same subject with a walking group, she actually went against the vehement consensus of the group and quickly found herself ostracised from the "herd" for the rest of the day! Then she has the audacity to ask me to become a"Walking Leader" in their sordid little organisation! I ask ya!?!

Byrner
09-24-2008, 12:54 PM
what ?? are you some kind of double agent ?? Theres me with my articulated quad with Paulo in the trailer, tearing up the grassy bit on Camaderry...playing BOomBoom music, plans for the weekend..
feck it..i am announcing Presidential decree 666.. a nude Downhill off Scarr..to protest against the signs going up in The National Park against us..
Who's with me..!!

Fat Fecker
09-24-2008, 01:10 PM
Can't... I'm buzy cutting my grass with a scissors.

Byrner
09-24-2008, 01:19 PM
More commitment please..use diahexachloracromahalitosicide on your grass..noiseless, odourless and the offending peramulators are made sterile by it !!
Nits make lice as my old Sargeant in the lebanon used to say !!
I wonder now, what Committe i'll be complained to now !!
Richie

Fat Fecker
09-24-2008, 01:22 PM
apparently sterility is not heireditary.

Don
09-24-2008, 01:23 PM
This topic started off as "Walkers, the cheek", now that mass nude starts of Scarr are being proposed can we change it to, "Mountainbikers, the cheeks"?

JoeyO
09-24-2008, 01:37 PM
"to protest against the signs going up in The National Park against us..
Who's with me..!!"

Sounds very paranoid, Byrner, but they're after me too!

PAULO
09-24-2008, 02:29 PM
what ?? are you some kind of double agent ?? Theres me with my articulated quad with Paulo in the trailer, tearing up the grassy bit on Camaderry...playing BOomBoom music



HEY!!! my music encourages the growth of plants and therefore undoes the wreckage that all ye mountain folk, and besides, i hardly go out on my bike so i am pretty much a friend of the mountain.

Name 1 horticultural or walking magazine that complains of DJs on mountain tops,

Yeah.....Thats what i thought!

Fin.

Byrner
09-24-2008, 02:45 PM
very good point, and the incidence of DJs among Mountainbikers is very high..
Theres Boppin Colly Bright..seen every weekend in Tamangoes
DJ Badger baiting pete K , the Nortsoide Guru..banging the tunes out of an old transit in the middle of the Phoenix park
and lets not forget
The Legendary Smiley Nicey DJ Gerry mac..catch him spinning out the Oldies at Bingo in The Inchicore Home for the Criminally bewildered !!
I imagine theres a few more DJs out there on mountainbikes..
I bet Karl Thomas has spun a few discs at weddings in the past ..

Quillo
09-24-2008, 03:46 PM
Obviously, horses do nothing, as their hoof prints are spread out, and are, apparently, smaller than human footprints.

One horse can do a huge amount of trail damage, particularly if things are wet. They churn up the ground big time. A horse and rider can weigh in at 800Kg - that's a lot of weight going onto the small area offered by a hooves...

Don
09-24-2008, 03:53 PM
What if the horse is one of Ross's and has a carbon saddle and titanium horse shoes?

Byrner
09-24-2008, 08:11 PM
its taken a while but i just got the joke about hereditary sterility..and i'm laughing at Ross on a horse ..wearing a sheet and waving a burning cross...definitely in trouble now !

Fat Fecker
09-24-2008, 08:30 PM
I am picturing Rossco on a skinny ass horse, like the ones on the DSPCA ad's, with 220psi in his carbon shoes, that only likes roads. closely followed be a bunch of Welsh lads who think he's deadly.
man... tonights dreams are going to be scary.....

ColinB
09-24-2008, 08:51 PM
I'm half way through a giant bag of skittles and I feel like I'm coming up on 4 e's.....

anyway....

I weigh about the same as a horse on a bike so I feel I unuiqely qualified to answer all of your questions....

It's all about pressure.... Pascal's and all that.... fat horses and skinny walkers with little hoooves make holes, we make neat little ditches....

Walkers are a funny lot though... basically they are pissed off because we are cooler than they are, they think they're feckin deadly, Finooooola from the office has finally agreed to go for a stroll with "crazy fintan" who spends his days in the mountains, he's stringing her along with his hero stories he's nursing a semi and he can here her knicker ellastic straining, he's in, it's feckin on like donkey kong... then a crowd of us show up looking like a wheeled phalus, we're very polite... but we fix them with stares that say we'll smash your head and steal your women, we'll drag finoooola back to our cave.... all of a sudden that semi he was nursing is gone....finooola's eyes are no longer walking the trails but instead the hills and valleys of the muscular legs that are passing and fintan is our bitch like so many before him....

BOW AND SUBMIT OR BE EMASCULATED LIKE THE MANY THAT FELL BEFORE YOU.... fintan

That's why....

Don
09-24-2008, 08:54 PM
That's the funniest thing I've seen here in ages, Colin, skittles of not, you are a legend!

Byrner
09-24-2008, 09:19 PM
jeebus, I know what i'll be dreaming about tonight !!!

rossconi
09-25-2008, 09:14 AM
Jayzus, how does a topic about walkers turn to talk of lightweight horses, burning crosses and welsh lads?? (you forgot the pickup trucks)
That sounds pretty cool though, they could have a site like this http://www.light-bikes.com/ dedicated to horses instead.......... who will be the first to break the sub 50lb barrier??? (shetland ponies will be disqualified)

Basil Fawlty
09-25-2008, 05:56 PM
I can appreciate the Rangers

And he a filthy Fenian!

Byrner
09-25-2008, 10:35 PM
you feckin left footed catholics are all the same, always looking to undo us Fenians..do you know, the last time i was called a fenian was in 1980 by a skinhead from Divis Flats..wielding a machete at a defence forces colleague.
man i need to write a book.
Back to the walkers and their madness.
Colin is completely correct. its a pissing contest.
I hate walking.I hated it when I was a Mountaineer when walking was the bloody mainstay of Climbing..walk to the crag, if it was the Mournes we were talking 2 hours, Glendo 1 hour, Luggala , forget it, the walk was the best part. The walk back out.
Thats why The Burren is the best 4 hours driving 5 minutes walk..
Walking is for walkers. People too fcukin scared to stare into the abyss.
Too scared to ride without rubber, to frightened to drink 20 pints of Guinness, scared of the dark
I hated walking in the Alps to get to the refuges,
I hated walking across the fcukin mer de Glace.
I hated the walk up to Cenotaph corner in Llanberis..a corner that the Horn of El Dorado gave birth to.
Why walk when you can blem.
Blemming along as opposed to trundling.
What girl was ever attracted to a trundler..a Blemmer, now, hes always going to get the hokey cokey on..
The trundler, the best he can hope for is holding hands.The Blemmer, well , he has the Horn Of El Dorado in his pants..

Fat Fecker
09-26-2008, 07:43 AM
I'd love to crack your head open, just to see whats inside.....

JoeyO
09-26-2008, 08:33 AM
MTBing is definitely a rush (even the way I do it!), but have any of you savages ever mushed a team of huskies on an Alaskan glacier, or been caught in a "white-out" in the 'copter, or felt the bow-wave of a calving glacier rock your sea kayak?
"Fintan" would be sealion bait!

tabydub
09-26-2008, 09:24 AM
Please tell me all these thoughts of burning people on sticks is just from your Epic initiation where you are all brainwashed to richies mad way of thinking....

Quillo
09-26-2008, 10:09 AM
I hate walking.I hated it when I was a Mountaineer when walking was the bloody mainstay of Climbing..walk to the crag, if it was the Mournes we were talking 2 hours, Glendo 1 hour, Luggala , forget it, the walk was the best part. The walk back out.
Thats why The Burren is the best 4 hours driving 5 minutes walk..
Walking is for walkers. People too fcukin scared to stare into the abyss.


I tended to use the 20:1 rule.... if the walk in was more than 20 times the height of the crag, forget it.... :)

Byrner
05-19-2012, 09:54 PM
some lurker was reading this tonight so I resurrected it..its a classic..

Byrner
05-20-2012, 07:10 PM
this was a prophetic post.. or perhaps by using the power of sorcery I made it happen..
so i'm bombing down Aggro today with Steve pollock and Niall Quinlan and the rest of the club and just as I exit on to BLT, there beside the trail is a fat elderly Hillwalker pulling up her undercrackers after relieving herself while the rest of the old biddys look on in shock as we pass by..
Nasty and an example of misbehaviour these feckin terrorists are capable of !

Hoppo
05-21-2012, 08:03 AM
Was she hot?

Byrner
05-21-2012, 08:24 AM
definitely not !